I am one of those people who as a child, had fingers pointed at me and was told I was “too sensitive” for crying when someone called me names…or if they just glanced at me sideways. It’s probably true that sometimes it would seem that it wouldn’t take much to get me derailed and it took years for me to build up any sort of immunity to this. And many more years than that to consider the word sensitive as anything other than a personal affront. In case you haven’t seen them, there are some great articles out there that point to the reasons why sensitivity may actually be a good thing. This one in the Huffington Post redefines sensitive people as being more creative with increased awareness of surroundings and an “ability to embrace new concepts very deeply.” And this one from psychcentral states “The trait of high sensitivity also includes a strong tendency to be aware of nuances in meaning, and to be more cautious about taking action, and to more carefully consider options and possible outcomes.” I think all of the articles I’ve read point to a greater capacity for empathy.
I find it interesting to learn that Buddhist monks actually hone in on this type of sensitivity through meditation and take it exponentially further. This article in Lion’s Roar magazinetells the story of a monk who was scientifically able to demonstrate, among other things, an ability to accurately identify the emotion of others through micro-expressions when shown pictures of faces for one-fifth or even as little as one-thirtieth of a second. The researcher in the article, Paul Ekman, who is “one of the world’s most eminent experts on the science of emotion,” knows that “people who do better at recognizing these subtle emotions are more open to new experience, more interested and more curious about things in general. They are also conscientious—reliable and efficient.” I’m not trying to say that all people who are sensitive are equivalent to Buddhist monks and I’m pretty sure that many would reassure you that’s not the case at all. What this article says to me is that while sensitive people may already make great partners, healers and therapists 😉 there is also always room for improvement when you intentionally practice compassion, and actually lean into and learn from the things that might make us uncomfortable.
In light of National Eating Disorders Awareness Week coming up, it also seems like a good time to address the stigma that keeps so many people at bay from seeking help. For most of the population, it’s hard enough to allow for vulnerability in the face of judgment, but when you’ve already been labeled as “too sensitive” – a characteristic that is associated with eating disorders, I think it’s fair to say that the experience of judgment – and stigma – is that much greater for someone who may already feel like they’re living under a microscope. In one of my recent groups a wise woman pointed out that her personal character has been attacked and she has been blamed by people in her life who believe that the eating disorder is a result of her own doing and as she shared this, others nodded in agreement that this was their experience too. It’s amazing how much energy goes into helping loved ones understand that two people can participate in the same scenario and have two completely different – and valid – experiences. So aside from the idea that being described as sensitive no longer need be equated with a negative connotation, maybe we can also take a moment to recognize the courage and bravery it takes for those who do seek treatment.
A wise person’s depiction of the longing for connection; our universal, human experience.
A month or so ago a friend posted a meme on facebook with the face of Winston Churchill against a backdrop of the British flag. The meme reads: “During WWII Churchill was asked to cut funding for the arts. He replied, ‘then what are we fighting for?’” You can decide for yourself whether or not the quote is accurate.But clearly the meme was in response to our new administration’s proposal to cut funding for the National Endowment of the Arts and they justify this by saying it’s “targeting waste.” Waste?? Really??? Having worked in public schools I can’t even begin to address the heartbreak and outrage that is experienced when funding for creative endeavors is taken away. I just want to take a moment here and draw some parallels between art and emotion because I think they are so often treated similarly and unfairly at times. If we encompass art to include all visual arts (painting, photography, print-making, sculpture, etc), performance arts (music, dance, theatre, etc) along with tv shows, movies, and creative and literary writing, then I think it’s pretty safe to say that the arts are in some way loved and revered by nearly everyone. Take any one of these away and someone is going to feel bereft. But that’s ok, right? Because at some point everyone has to take one for the team. But does the team really strengthen when you do this? No, because those who feel left out are disconnected and fall to the wayside.
So let’s take a minute to contemplate society’s approach towards emotion. How often are we given the message by others that happiness is the only acceptable expression of emotion? Maybe some sadness and grief is acceptable when someone dies or something but otherwise that’s about it. Anger is acceptable for men sometimes, but certainly never women. Magazine covers everywhere are plastered with images of strength and delight because those are the things we want to feel and if we don’t then clearly there’s something wrong with us and we should at least learn to fake it. While the Disney movie Inside Out did a great job with explaining the importance of tending to all emotions, we still have a really, really long way to go. To me Inside Out presents hope that future generations will not succumb to the same dangers of emotional suppression by which many of us were raised. It takes soooo long to undo the damage that is done (depression, anxiety, lack of self-identity, low self-esteem to name a few repercussions). The same way it takes long to rebuild a society when you’ve done all you can to decimate it.
My point is this: Emotion is the experience of being human. Art is the thing that connects and binds us and reflects the human experience; it’s what makes us stronger as a whole. Art is the voice of emotion. Taking away funding and support for the arts is like taking an essential vitamin out of your diet…sure you can exist, but maybe not for so long, and certainly you won’t thrive. We won’t thrive, not together.
When we refuse to nurture emotions, we create emotional imbalance and we suffer internally. When we refuse to nurture the arts, we create imbalance with miscommunication and lack of connection and society suffers as a whole.
Art inspires everything; fashion, sports, cooking, science. The arts extend to graphic design and marketing which means…gulp…our economy!! The lines are blurred because art is everywhere. Art is communication. Art is connection. We take it for granted because of this, the same way we take emotion for granted because of this. But growth comes from honoring care and nurturance for the things we care about and the things that connect us. Both art and emotion are everywhere and they’re not going away, it’s time to give them the care they deserve. Be sure to care for your emotions and honor this by supporting the arts; don’t make it yet another mess that future generations are left to clean up years after we’re gone.
While searching for a studio back in 2015, I was blessed with stumbling upon some of the hidden gems in Germantown. Finding an enclave of art and artists here in Northwest Philadelphia was like opening the gate to a secret garden, needing to savor it momentarily for myself before sharing about it with others. I consider myself very lucky that my practice now resides in the same building as some incredibly talented people in the area, one of whom is the mixed media artist, Andrew Christman. Being a huge fan of mixed media I was immediately drawn to his work. Andrew was gracious enough to complete the questionnaire I’d sent out late last year and share about his personal experience around the therapeutic qualities of art making.
Why do you create artwork?
I have loved making things longer than I can remember. I need to make art like I need to breathe or eat. Through the process of painting, I seek to balance impulses of action with impulses of reflection. In the best of circumstances, a “completed” painting represents an effort in seeking harmony between the experience of my inner world and my outer world.I like to match thought and memory and imaginings with play, movement and marks.
What medium do you prefer to work with and why?
I work with ink, acrylic paint, watercolor, spray paint and drawing materials such as pencils, markers and charcoal. I paint and draw on surfaces such as wood, paper and photographs. I like working with a lot of materials because it keeps the process exuberant and varied. I have a very short attention span! Changing up media keeps me engaged with the work of art as it hangs on the wall or lies on the floor. I enjoy layering transparent and opaque marks because they give a painting or drawing the quality of evolving feelings or the overlapping motions of memories.
Do you feel that your work has been therapeutic in some way? If so, how?
Painting in the studio is my time for play and meditation, looking and feeling. I am very grateful that I love the simple ACT of painting so much! Even if I am lacking “ideas” or “subjects” that inspire me, pushing paint gives me great joy and helps me to find peace much in the way prayer or exercise helps others.
What, if anything, is therapeutic about the finished product?
Arriving at the moment in which I can say a painting is complete is very therapeutic. I work on most of my pieces over the course of many days, months and sometimes years. It can be a struggle at times to keep the overall feeling of a painting fresh, playful and vital –in the way a spontaneous musical performance can. If I come to a point at which a piece appears OR feels complete (or miraculously – both), the painting as it stands resonates with me in a way that I can not describe in words. The impulse to continue to work on the painting has left me and I feel at peace with the decision to frame it and share it or put in the garbage can. Either way, the process was a valuable journey, a meaningful search that continues on with the next painting.
If I am fortunate enough to exhibit my work somewhere, the finished work goes on to communicate with people in a space outside of the studio. The process of showing your work can be cathartic and exhilarating or nerve-racking and miserable. I happen to enjoy sharing my paintings with others as long as they care to look. I certainly hope that they feel something as they take a painting in, but I must always accept that another person’s reaction to my work is not something I can predict or control.
Has there been a particular time in life when your artwork pulled you through?
Without a doubt, making art “pulled me through” my adolescence. Being recognized as someone with artistic talent or promise helped me to cultivate self confidence when I had very little. The actual act of hunkering down and making art-particularly drawing was therapeutic and meditative. I worked a lot with oil and chalk pastels at that time. The tactile layering of colors coupled with the desire to master techniques with these materials gave me purpose and meaning. Art gave me confidence to interact with others in meaningful ways and fired my intellectual curiosity at a time when I struggled academically. God bless not only my high school art teachers, but also English, History and Science teachers who recognized my love for Art and encouraged me to understand those subjects through the lens of Art.
Has there been a particular time in life when the artwork of others was especially inspirational?
All the time! Not only is the work of historical / contemporary artists inspiring to me, but as someone who teaches, the work of children and young adults really excites me and inspires me; particularly the ways in which they express themselves with materials that they are picking up and using for their first time. The spirit and feeling of discovery that they demonstrate helps me very much to appreciate how powerful art is and what a gift it is to be an artist.
What artists inspire you? How have you embraced their concepts into your own work?
There are so many painters that have inspired me. Most of all, I love artists who work spontaneously and improvisationally. Painters who play with the delicate balance between abstraction and realism such as such as Turner, Peter Doig, Richard Diebenkorn and WillemdeKooning encourage me to practice, practice and hone my skills with paint. Jean Michelle Basquiat and Franz Kline encourage me to seek expressive feeling in my work and to be bold and take risks. Artists such as Nathan Oliviera and the Indian painter Mansur are great models for artists who use nature and animals as subjects. My approach to a simple, iconic composition comes from work such as theirs.
However, the artist who has truly influenced me more than any other is not a visual artist but the great musician and composer John Coltrane. His dedication to both technical mastery and improvisation, his conviction that the creation of art is a deeply personal, spiritual endeavor and his continual pursuit of a freedom through a spontaneous discovery are all values that I have aspired to in my own life as an artist.
Are there particular metaphors in your artwork that have been especially meaningful to you in some way?
The central metaphor in my work is the one I described above in which the layering process I use signifies the moving memory or emerging experience of the subject I am painting whether it is a plant, animal or figure. I am also very interested in how science text books and scientific artists who work in the fields of zoology and botany use processes of abstraction to explain what they perceive to be objective truth about the details of the natural world when they create diagrams or renderings of trees, plants and animals. This is very interesting because as modern people, we are more likely to associate the process of abstraction with expressionistic art that separates the natural world from reality. I guess what I am trying to say is that Abstraction is a metaphor for Truth and Understanding.
Artist Bio: Andrew Christman is an artist and educator who lives and works in Philadelphia, Pa. Andrew has exhibited in Philadelphia, New York and Santiago, Chile. For more than twenty years, Andrew has shared his love for Art and Art History as a museum educator, artist in residence and public school middle and high school teacher. He has taught at the Brooklyn Museum, the Cloisters Museum, the Jewish Museum (of New York) and the New York City Museum School. Andrew was a founding teacher at el Centro de Estudiantes, an alternative , accelerated school in Kensington, Philadelphia. His approach to teaching emphasizes interdisciplinary thinking, collaboration and experimentation. Andrew rarely teaches “Art for Art’s sake”. He believes strongly that the process of art making is an agent for critical thinking, literacy, social justice and healing. Andrew currently works from his studio in Germantown, Northwest Philadelphia.
Ah, January. I find that this time of year brings with it so many promises. New Year’s resolutions comprised of diets, exercise regimes, forward fashion, all filled with the possibility of a new look, a new attitude, new relationships, new environment, new job, and of course, ultimate happiness. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like I’m also noticing more mention of things like astrology, numerology and lottery tickets these days too. And don’t get me wrong, I love the entertainment in those things – I think there is a certain brilliance in combining aspects of mysticism and spirituality mixed with general or even concrete advice (self disclosure: my favorite new astrologer to follow is the feminist and activist, Chani Nicholas – you should totally check her out!) And I very much believe that appropriate exercise and self care has a ton of merit. But it also makes me wonder…are we all still looking for our fairy godmother to transform us into beautiful princesses so that we are granted the life we all know we deserve? I believe in significant change, really I do – you can see the evidence in my gruelingly written thesis: The Use of Metaphor in Art Making for Acceptance and Change with People who Experience Chronic Pain. What I’ve learned is that maybe true possibility for happiness – happiness that’s grounded in reality and not wishful thinking happens on a far more subtle level, over time and with thoughtfully directed effort. So often in my art therapy groups I hear the women I work with dismiss their truly, very, very significant progress only because high expectation and ultimate happiness has not yet been delivered. What a tragedy. Think about it…you’ve done all this hard work to create something genuinely new and different in your life and then throw it all away because of something as simple as black and white thinking? It’s either good or it’s bad; perfect or not perfect. The etiology of black and white thinking probably deserves a post in itself, but really it comes down to what we choose to believe. So how do we manifest our own possibility rather than waiting around for things to happen? I believe that possibility lies in flexibility, in awareness of small shifts, of slight nuances and honoring small progress. Possibility lies in opening your heart and mind to synchronicity – the phenomenon of noticing one small thing and watching it multiply into abundance. Synchronicity feels magical – and if it feels like magic, is that enough to say that it is magic? It’s all about approach. That’s how it works with progress, we build on the good things we do have, the small improvements we are achieving and over time, this continues to build and turns into big progress. For some reason this reminds me of a story I heard about a woman with terminal cancer who was attending a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction workshop. When the man next to her heard about her condition, he wondered what the heck she was doing spending her last days sitting around learning this new skill. Her response was that she recognized her limited moments in time and was choosing to learn how to appreciate each one of them to the fullest; there is an infinite number of points in any line, whether the line be an inch long or a mile long. By the way, it’s the year of the Rooster and “Roosters in Chinese Astrology are thought to be honest, so truths will emerge.” Hmm, I wonder what the possibilities are in that?
You do not need to know precisely what is happening, or exactly where it is all going. What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment, and to embrace them with courage, faith and hope. ~ Thomas Merton
“This image was taken during a workshop weekend with photojournalist, Rick Loomis. I was combing the beach looking for a pure candid moment. I spent the next 9 years working with this series.” Venice Beach 2007, Beth Dubber
Recently I sent out a questionnaire to a bunch of people I know in the art world. Some are friends, some acquaintances. Some have made a living from their craft, while others do their artwork out of pure love or possibly even need. Many, if not all, have more than one job, or families to care for, and despite facing regular challenges they’re still at it in some way, shape or form. As an art therapist, I admire this. I admire their staying power, I admire their inspiration and best of all I get to admire each of their styles and unique aesthetic that has emerged over time. In the premise for my questionnaire, I shared that I was “operating from the belief that all artists find therapeutic value in their work, in some form or another.” I got a lot of positive feedback. This week I get to share with you the artwork and insight from a very talented photographer, Beth Dubber. Beth grew up in a working class family in Cleveland, Ohio and through sheer will power and tenacity, made her way onto the tv and movie sets of Los Angeles. You can check out her artwork here.
Rachel: Why do you create artwork?
Beth: To communicate something I am feeling but unsure how to express myself verbally.
Rachel: What medium do you prefer to work with and why?
Beth: Photography, I have studied and worked with this medium since 1988 or so. At this point, it seems ingrained in me and is simply second nature.
Rachel: Do you feel that your work has been therapeutic in some way? If so, how?
Beth: I remember the very first time that I felt like I communicated an uncomfortable feeling I was having. I was miserable in my marriage and did not have any tools or knowledge about how to talk about that. I married at a young age, just out of high school. In college, my second quarter of photography class, we had an assignment to create self-portraits. I had no idea what to do so I dabbled and played around. I created a story with 3 images and it was how I felt about my life at the time. I didn’t realize it until our class critique about our assignments. We all printed our final work and hung them on the wall; everyone had an opportunity to talk about each other’s work. Only then did I realize what a triumph it was for me. I communicated an idea and my classmates got me! I was elated, from then on; it took me to a new level of interest in photography.
[Side note here, when I asked Beth about these photos, she presented images of what looked like herself as a young teenager, scantily clad with curlers in her hair, sitting with a gun and open bottle of Smirnoff. In the last image, she is pointing the gun at the viewer. She offered this about them: “Regarding the triptych, it was a surprise with the 3rd image, everyone at the critique said they expected the gun to be pointed at myself but for me, it was taking my power back. This is also a creepy foreshadowing of my alcoholism. I thought that the relationship was the problem and cause for my drinking. I felt like I was drinking too much but had a good reason. This was done in 1994, I got sober 2007.” I think it’s ok – and significant – to add here that the gun belonged to Beth’s then-husband, it was something of which she did not approve – the gun I mean…but I guess that goes for the ex-husband too…all I know is that he’s still alive :)]
Rachel: Can you say something about the therapeutic nature of the process?
Beth: In 2006, I was desperate to get my career as a photographer going. I was only getting little jobs here and there, nothing substantial. A friend suggested that I go out and photograph events to practice my craft. This turned into a series I called, “The Photo of the Week”, which I shot from 2006-2016. I would then select one image and email it to people on my list every Sunday evening. This became my routine and I felt grounded in it, especially since I have always had an “ungrounded” lifestyle. This 10-year journey of practicing my craft has helped me in many ways. Here are a few examples, it has made me a better photographer, I enjoyed having a creative routine, it kept me accountable to creating and distributing work weekly, I learned to let go of my perfectionism and allow myself to send out an image that I felt was imperfect.
Rachel: What, if anything, is therapeutic about the finished product?
Beth: I didn’t realize that I would experience relief when I stopped my “Photo of the Week” series, but I did. Now I will work on putting a book together this year. The sense of therapy is taking a project through completion for this one in particular. In my latest series, “Persona”, I am doing clown portraits and interviews to investigate and portray the lives of the modern-day clown. I had this idea because I wanted to “lighten up”. I am learning to laugh more with and through each subject. I am also incorporating audio with this series, this is new for me and I have enjoyed the challenge and learning new software and equipment.
Rachel: Has there been a particular time in life when your artwork pulled you through?
Beth: Yes. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 39. From the point of diagnosis to surgery was about 12 weeks. I was in a high state of fear and anxiety. I kept working on my weekly series and I remember 2 images in particular that were reflective of what I was going through. Just keeping busy, doing my craft and not meaning to, I was creating a visual journal of that time. Keeping to my regular schedule and in contact with others, helped me to stay out of high fear, at least it was more of a lower level fear. It got me to the other side of the disease. I am healthy for 5 years in a row now!
Rachel: Has there been a particular time in life when the artwork of others was especially inspirational?
Beth: There are times when I need to put my camera down. Since I work as a professional photographer and also working on personal work, there are times of burnout. These times, I love to find time to look at other mediums. I feel inundated with media and images especially online so I love to see works in person at galleries, museums, etc.
Rachel: Has your artwork helped you to find your voice in some way? If so, how?
Beth: In a surprising way this year, I was working on a photography job where I was sexually harassed and had to file a complaint. I was very scared. I felt like it was my fault like maybe I did something to warrant his behavior. But since I am used to reaching out to people, I did just that. I asked many other women in my field and they all said it was wrong and I should file a complaint. I did not want to. I wanted to ignore it and hope it would go away. But I listened to the ladies’ words of wisdom. I felt like I was going to die. In the end, it turned out better than expected. I feel like I have gained 100% more courage. I am grateful for the support from other women.
Rachel: What artists inspire you? How have you embraced their concepts into your own work?
Beth: Aline SmithsonI have been taking classes from her for the past 2 years. She is the best teacher I have ever had, shares her wealth of knowledge and the way I present my work has gotten exponentially better. David StrickI have been following his work for years and it cracks me up. His work is smart, and full of humor. Jaimie TruebloodHe is the person to introduce me to photography on film & TV sets, where I work today. He has been a friend and mentor.
Rachel: Are there particular metaphors in your artwork that have been especially meaningful to you in some way?
Beth: I notice a common thread is “irony”. I think it is reflective of my Midwest upbringing. And I just try to keep laughing, life can be way too serious and I have gotten caught up in that too.
Rachel: Do you have any other influences you’d like to mention? Any last comments? Words of wisdom?
Beth: Whatever your medium, writing, painting, sewing, etc. Practice it every day; just keep going no matter what. Don’t pay attention to what others think about it, if you are enjoying it, keep going.
It’s no secret that holiday cheer comes with its own stress, both the good kind – eustress such as having anxiety about pleasing guests, or the more difficult – distress, like experiencing a sober holiday for the first time since childhood and wondering who you’ll hang out with, or maybe you’re remembering those whom you’ve loved and lost. Over the years I’ve found myself taking different approaches; hiding out, pushing through, or simply letting circumstance wash me over. But with a little persistence and some trial and error, I’ve found that what works best for me is being present and taking action. I outline my goals by asking a few questions: What is the reality of the situation? How might I be impacted by my actions or the actions of others? How will the people I care about be affected? A wise person recently shared her insight about exploring this as a teenager: “over time I grew to understand that if I kept putting myself in uncomfortable situations, always trying to fit in, then my best light was not shining through.” A simple enough lesson it seems, but one that we might have to learn over again through the years. At a time of year when all kinds of surprises can be thrown at you, you might find it helpful to have a plan in place; some sort of map to navigate your way back to homeostasis. So whether you’re struggling with eustress or distress, here is my list of random thoughts and actions to help you regain a sense of balance (in no particular order):
cutout paper snowflakes • Say Thank You • thank someone for the way they’ve helped you this year • say thank you when someone gives you a gift or a compliment and check in with your heart to see how it feels to honor what was given • light a candle in memory of someone you loved • forgive someone for their faults • make sugar cookies and decorate them like a professional • make sugar cookies and decorate them like a child • taste every ingredient separately while you’re cooking and baking • forgive yourself • take a hot bath • give yourself permission to dress up • give yourself permission to dress down • sing loudly as you drive between visits • volunteer in a soup kitchen • introduce yourself to a stranger • volunteer to deliver toys • give someone new a gift who isn’t expecting it • give a gift to yourself • set a goal for no expectations • step outside for some fresh air • spend time listening to someone amusing who is two generations younger than you • if you still can, spend time listening to someone amusing who is two generations older than you • be curious • be a beginner • create a haiku about someone or something that grabs your attention • check in and notice discomfort • challenge unsettling thoughts, are they really true? can there be another explanation? • take time to pause and breathe • practice self-compassion • marvel at seeing your breath in the cold air • make origami cranes from colorful magazine pages and place them strategically among your holiday lights • open the blinds to let in some light • check in and notice what feels good or neutral • try to catch snowflakes on your tongue • build a miniature snowman • drink seltzer from a fancy glass garnished with fruit or candy • make a snow cone from fresh snow • make luminaries • allow yourself to be vulnerable with someone you like • share memories with loved ones • decorate a box and fill it with memories, photographs and letters • make a snow angel • break out the record player and listen to vinyl • light incense • purposefully take time to do nothing • initiate a playful snowball fight • see what happens when you step outside of your comfort zone • make potpourri • pay it forward • allow yourself to not reciprocate and explore what that is like • mindfully plan a mistake to alleviate yourself of perfection • write in stream of consciousness in your journal • draw a quick sketch • add glitter • take time to watch a favorite movie • read poetry • look up to see where you’re walking • admire the moon and stars • notice the pattern that frost makes • thank the universe • think outside of the box
There’s no shortage of ways to use your creativity even during times of stress; sometimes we just need reminders to take action.
As we find ourselves in the midst of holiday season, I thought it would be an apt time to say a few words about judgment since reuniting with loved ones can often stir up conflicting emotions and memories. I’m not talking about the healthy discerning judgment that helps you determine if a situation is safe or unsafe. I’m talking about the “authoritative opinion” type of judgment…something that all too many of us were raised with and now self-administer at will. Let’s just give judgment the benefit of the doubt and say that at best, its intention is really about being socially accepted…and maybe, just maybe there is some good in that. But…when your inner totalitarian breaks free, forget about it…judgment becomes a killer. And I want to say, I don’t think that self-judgment and judgment of others are so mutually exclusive. When I first started my mindfulness practice in 2007, the concept of letting go of judgment was pretty new to me. But over time, the more I’ve practiced, the more I’ve come to see how much judgment can create an impediment in one’s life. Maybe that voice is barely audible at times, but I can pretty much guarantee you that it’s there. Awareness has revealed to me that even the slightest judgment can have significant impact. If judgments aren’t as loud as “You’re not good enough!…you can’t do that…don’t even try…she’s so much better than you…” it’s most likely as subtle as “this is so annoying…that’s bad…I’m doing it wrong.” All of these can be accompanied by their own forms of hindrance, that keep you from thriving to your potential. And don’t be fooled, the “good” judgments can have an equally similar impact.
I invite you to explore this with curiosity. Try to sit for ten minutes and catch how often these right/wrong, good/bad judgments arise. The next time you’re interacting with friends, family or co-workers, pay attention. How many judgment thoughts arise? Check in again, how does this manifest in your body? When you think back, how much were you raised with judgment, intentionally or not, by those around you? And lastly, what are you missing out on when you’re led by judgment? What is the world missing out on? All of this is significant, but the good thing is that we no longer need to be ruled by it.
In the same year that I began my mindfulness practice, Buddhist teacher and psychologist Jack Kornfield wrote this great article for Lion’s Roar, where he elaborates on the acronym “RAIN” which “stands for Recognition, Acceptance, Investigation, and Non-Indentification.” It’s about learning to move away from the labels and absolutes that keep us stuck in a corner and finding the malleable aspects of any situation that create opportunity for change. I find it to be a compelling argument, a recipe to create your own sense of freedom. You can take risks and honor your innate wisdom at the same time. As for conflicting feelings about relatives and friends? You still can’t change the person, but you can always change your approach. For you I will wish that it’s an approach led with kindness and compassion both for yourself, and for others.
“Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway.”
I can’t claim to be especially savvy in the arena of politics, but as a therapist I’ve taken it upon myself to help those who feel – or are genuinely, disenfranchised in one way or another. And it’s been rather impossible not to notice the strong reactions people have had in response to the recent presidential election. Last week I co-led a group where members were able to maintain focus on personal feelings about the election without venturing too far into political agendas. The wise women in this group did an incredible job of allowing themselves to be brave and vulnerable amongst their peers and the group was able to take a step in the direction of connection with one another while opening up to differences of opinion. This, even in light of the “double standards” that members of the group revealed. The theme that seemed to arise over and over again was that of fear – politically related and otherwise. Women spoke about actively experiencing fight or flight mode and how this can seem paralyzing and leave one feeling helpless. A friend reflected this sentiment again this morning as we pondered on the playground after sending our daughters off to school. “I won’t be effective until I take time to heal” she said in response to the fear that has been arising for her, with the knowledge that she will soon move to a part of the country where she will no longer be surrounded by like-minded people. Time to heal…I couldn’t agree more. Mindful meditation is so great in this way, it’s one of the things that I love about the practice. If we don’t take time to nurture our wounds, we’ll all be running around at half-capacity with the possibility of doing more harm than good. And like grief, the healing process will look different for everyone. There is no right or wrong way to do it and judgment from self or others isn’t going to help speed things along. Maybe this sense of helplessness is there for a reason.
Like most emotions, when we simply push fear away it has a tendency to chase us down. Perhaps counter-intuitively this is the time – and opportunity – to become familiar with the experience of fear in the present moment. What are the nuances of your thoughts and feelings? What does the sensation of hurt, or injustice feel like in your body? Are there areas in your body that feel neutral or even good? What does it feel like to rest your focus there? I suspect that with time, when you’ve come to know these feelings, and yourself more intimately, then things will start to shift. Perhaps this is when anger starts to arise and mindfulness can come in quite usefully here as well. Anger, often a secondary emotion in response to feeling hurt, can be a wonderful motivator but I think what’s so important now is to have a goal in mind. Who essentially do you want to be in the long run? When we react impulsively, it seems likely that this is when relationships are most often destroyed. But still, having a voice and taking action are highly important. Powerlessness, I believe, is one of the things that keeps the traumatic experiences alive. As trauma specialist Bessel van der Kolk explains, “The brain is an action organ…and as it matures, it’s increasingly characterized by the formation of patterns and schemas geared to promoting action.” When the ability to take action is suppressed or taken away, all sorts of calamity may ensue – like riots, violence, or drug use.
I’m not trying to say that the transformation from fear to action is a linear process – likely not at all. Sometimes I hear people describe the fight, flight or freeze experience as though it comes in waves. With each wave you might need to allow yourself a day to heal, or even a few weeks or much, much longer. But when you are finally ready to take action, there’s no shortage of productive things to do.
If, like me, you feel compelled to offer your support to the disenfranchised, see below for some links that can get you started. And if that’s not your thing, remember that whatever side you land on, it’s always important to use your voice – there are some links below for you as well. It seems so clear now that we are where we are with this election because too many voices went unheard for too long. And if you’re like the women in my group, and willing to allow yourself to be brave and vulnerable, please share personal experiences with one another, including those outside of your comfort zone – I believe we still have a chance to mend the great divide. Just don’t forget to listen, too.
Subway Therapy – there’s room for everyone to have a voice. Plus it looks kind of pretty.
Guerrilla Art – these women activists have no limit in the creative ways they use to get their points across.
Mindfulness is great but I’m also a fan of scream therapy too which can feel pretty cathartic at times. (Side note: Scream therapy is not for everyone. If it seems like something you would just overwhelmed by, it’s probably best not to try it.)
Often I meet with clients who are in the midst of major life changes – between jobs, immersed in school, or creating space for recovery – which can mean that cash flow is significantly decreased and the things that once brought satisfaction may not be quite so accessible at the moment. It’s times like this – more than ever – when the need for creativity is at its highest, and coincidentally when you might feel the least motivated to do anything about it. It’s common knowledge that stress takes a toll on your body and mind.And while it’s true that things like meditation and exercise (within reason) can be helpful to alleviate and manage stress, I find that it’s also very common for people to find themselves just feeling stuck and unsure of where to turn especially if they can’t exercise and haven’t yet found the value in meditation. Maybe it’s about inspiration, or maybe it just comes down to the decision to do something different. Either way I thought I’d share some ideas that might pique interests in hopes of getting the ball rolling.
First, start by thinking about the things you used to enjoy at a time when you weren’t feeling stuck. Don’t censor yourself here – write down everything. Write down things you enjoyed last year, two…five…ten years ago. Write down the things you enjoyed when you were 8. Next, go back and cross things off the list that are no longer healthy for you (you might want to check in with your therapist on this one). Circle the things that you think are too expensive to do right now. Then highlight the things that you can do right now, even if they seem silly – yes, you can walk outside and study an anthill – if you liked to do this when you were 8, there’s a good chance you’ll still find something interesting about it today. Next, go back to the circled “too expensive” items on the list and challenge these to find another way. Maybe paying for a manicure once a week is not feasible right now, but connecting with a friend (or friends) to do manicures together might be a possibility. Going to a show on Broadway may not be an option, but checking out a manuscript from the local library or listening to a soundtrack on youtube might be more accessible and surprisingly inspiring. If you’re still feeling stuck, here are links to more ideas that may help stimulate your creative juices:
An extensive list of artist dates from the Artist’s Way blog – these activities are intended to be done alone, but I think in this context it’s ok to invite friends – you’ll find suggestions like: go visit an art store, music store, hardware store, just to look around… find a hammock and lie in it…gather pretty stones from your driveway and make a design with them (Andy Goldsworthy!)…visit a graveyard…or stop by a thrift store. Be sure to look in the comments section, there are some great ideas there too!
Google your community calendar: In Philadelphia, you’ll find ideas for things to do -some of them free – on Thrillist.com such as when you’ll get free admission to the art museum or free admission to the Barnes Foundation. Uwishunu.com highlights things like local festivals and outdoor movie nights or Shakespeare in the park. And don’t forget about First Fridays!
It’s likely that not all of the suggestions you find will be right for you, but like the Nike slogan says: Just do it… or at least, just do one thing different. For you, that might be sitting outside and feeling the sun on your face for the first time in a week, or maybe it’s choosing to drive a different route to work (or therapy) one day, just to get a different perspective. Just do it.Then sometime down the line you can take another look at those unhealthy things that you crossed off your list and elaborate more on what you were trying to achieve with them in the first place – I’m guessing that when you cultivate your creativity, eventually you’ll find something to take their place.
A while back I had this vague idea that I should write a blog entry about permission and the need to grant space for oneself in order to engage in creative endeavors. Shortly after the idea came to me, I heard women in my groups referring to another therapist who spoke about permission in a slightly different way. When I hear people start to talk about the ideas I already have, it’s a sign of urgency for me to get moving. But life got in the way as it can sometimes, so I didn’t get to it. You can imagine then, my surprise this week when I picked up a copy of Elizabeth Gilbert’s latest book, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear and there on page 79 is an entire section devoted to Permission. My brief initial reaction was one of disappointment that I hadn’t acted on instinct sooner…until I went back to the beginning of the book and found myself reading about the very feeling I was experiencing. My disappointment quickly transformed into a bit of synchronicity as I got drawn into Gilbert’s theory that an idea is a living entity that actively seeks out the vessel – or person – that is most likely to manifest it into creation. The bad news is, if you don’t act on your idea it will move on and find someone else – the right person – to complete its mission. The good news is that there is never a shortage of ideas out there; often they ask to be created again and again in different voices. Gilbert goes on to explain how an idea can reach more than one person at a time, much like Carl Jung’s concept of zeitgeist, and she refers to the concept of “multiple discoveries” as widely accepted in the scientific community. I’m guessing that a lot of us believe in magic in some form or another – prayer, quantum physics, artists’ flow, to name a few. I’m also thinking about the magic that I’ve witnessed in groups. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat with someone who is too intimidated to draw but when I can finally convince them to engage in a scribble, the group is then blown away by the meaning that is attached to the scribble – not only for the person who created it but for the collective meaning that is felt by the group.I think you can easily imagine how many great ideas are lost into the ether on a daily basis, simply because we don’t give ourselves permission to follow them through. I like to think about Shepard Fairy’s approach (the graffiti artist who created the iconic Obey Giant who incidentally almost threw it away):
“Part of the reason I’ve been able to do the things that I’ve been able to do is because I tend to not think about how what I’m doing is supposed to be reflected upon, because that paralyzes me… To… not just approach it intuitively just shuts me down.”
If you haven’t read Big Magic yet, I highly recommend it. How often do you grant yourself permission to allow your ideas to flourish? Following the lead of Elizabeth Gilbert, allow me to give you a permission slip so you can start now.
I am one of those people who as a child, had fingers pointed at me and was told I was “too sensitive” for crying when someone called me names…or if they just glanced at me sideways. It’s probably true that sometimes it would seem that it wouldn’t take much to get me derailed and it took years for me to build up any sort of immunity to this. And many more years than that to consider the word sensitive as anything other than a personal affront. In case you haven’t seen them, there are some great articles out there that point to the reasons why sensitivity may actually be a good thing. This one in the Huffington Post redefines sensitive people as being more creative with increased awareness of surroundings and an “ability to embrace new concepts very deeply.” And this one from psychcentral states “The trait of high sensitivity also includes a strong tendency to be aware of nuances in meaning, and to be more cautious about taking action, and to more carefully consider options and possible outcomes.” I think all of the articles I’ve read point to a greater capacity for empathy. 
In light of National Eating Disorders Awareness Week coming up, it also seems like a good time to address the stigma that keeps so many people at bay from seeking help. For most of the population, it’s hard enough to allow for vulnerability in the face of judgment, but when you’ve already been labeled as “too sensitive” – a characteristic that is associated with eating disorders, I think it’s fair to say that the experience of judgment – and stigma – is that much greater for someone who may already feel like they’re living under a microscope. In one of my recent groups a wise woman pointed out that her personal character has been attacked and she has been blamed by people in her life who believe that the eating disorder is a result of her own doing and as she shared this, others nodded in agreement that this was their experience too. It’s amazing how much energy goes into helping loved ones understand that two people can participate in the same scenario and have two completely different – and valid – experiences. So aside from the idea that being described as sensitive no longer need be equated with a negative connotation, maybe we can also take a moment to recognize the courage and bravery it takes for those who do seek treatment.
